So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
