I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
