I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
