Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
