I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
