i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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