He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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