Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
