Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
