I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
