Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
