Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
