my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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