i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
