how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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