chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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