The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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