Plan B is the new Plan A
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
