he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
