I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
