There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
