i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
