Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
