a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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