So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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