I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
