Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
