if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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