She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
