i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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