i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
