South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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