My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the day after is always just damage control
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
