One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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