WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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