: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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