you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
