Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
