I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
