I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
