i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
