I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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