Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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