Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
