I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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