so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
