she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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