did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
