you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
