i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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