Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
