my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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