i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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