i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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