we're chasing vodka with high fives
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
