Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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