Whod you bang
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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