38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
