Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
