so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
