Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
