Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
