I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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