The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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