yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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