I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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