put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
