How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i will never coherently bang her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
