i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
