So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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